A Life That’s You

Myths can rule our lives! Nonsense like: “algebra is hard and you have to be at least twelve to get it”; that playing a rhythm of three against four takes genius and math instead of flow and immersion; that success has its source in uncommon ability rather than in an irrepressible spirit; that a major shift takes years of struggle rather than a moment of insight… If you’ve never articulated the silent myths that shape your life, take a moment now, so that myths like these will not stop you from knowing that the change you want in your life is within your reach and always has been –

Tonight I was invited to a concert. To leave work behind at a time when I am racing the clock seemed impossible, irresponsible, even scary. I went anyway. Read the rest of this entry »

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Élan! the self development place.

There’s so much advice about reducing stress that it’s created a entire new genre of stress.

Hundreds of tips to try right now.  Self help guides with months-long action plans.  Shelves of books. Magazine headlines.

Exercise more, make lists, declutter.  Whole new sets of demands.

Self worth seems to be measured in the capacity for serenity rather than implied by the intrinsic value of living beings.  It’s not enough to manage life’s stresses any more; you have to feel serene, calm and peaceful, too.  That’s a stressful requirement.

And placing all that focus on eliminating something serves mostly to tighten its grip on one’s attention. Read the rest of this entry »

contemplating incipient sea change

Last New Year’s Eve, I found myself at the piano after a 20-year absence. As a direct result, I am now faced with the largely self-inflicted terror of playing a Bach prelude at a recital.

The recital takes place in the beautiful chapel of a stately old mansion, one of the “seven castles” of Clifton — now a nursing home. Fortunately this means that much of the audience cannot hear. However, I cannot help but recall the debut of my younger daughter Marla’s choir at an Alzheimer’s unit when one of the residents yelled out angrily,

“Y’all suck!”

I believe he also threw something, but that could just be me embellishing.

And while even I can see the humor of being dangled out as unwilling bait to an audience that may lack the inhibition Read the rest of this entry »

The message of Sea Change is simple – as important truths tend to be.

Each day, we’re pulled in a hundred different directions. The din of the demands coming from the outside makes it hard to hear the guide on the inside. Call it energy, call it intuition – when that spark of knowing surfaces and you have the courage to act on it, sea change occurs.

How do you know when to pay attention?

Sometimes you just know – if you allow for it. When a thought or idea or feeling bubbles up out of nowhere and makes you draw a breath, stop and take notice. When it’s recurrent, feels urgent, exciting; when it captures your imagination and won’t let go. A thought that tickles you or puts a grin on your face, that feels like a bright little light that keeps softly flashing. Read the rest of this entry »

It started when my friend Cathy handed me a sack of paperback books-on-loan. Swapping books is a practice we’d established over time. Some were meant to be returned, others were to be passed along to another; a sort of pay-it-forward.

This was an unusually big stack, and the bag sat on the dining table in the morning room for a couple of weeks. Finally, anxious to clear off the table, I emptied the bag and tossed the books on the end table by the sofa. Comprised of a sofa and two chairs, this space had felt somehow unfinished, lacking character or a central message. With the addition of the books, suddenly it was cozier, more inviting. That the books were much-read and dog-eared only served to add to the warmth of the effect.

One of the themes of the new house is to live life as if it were an ongoing vacation. Its décor and location both make it the “vacation home” in our eyes. And the summer homes we’ve rented at the ocean Read the rest of this entry »

Seeking Your Passion? Inquire Within…

We hear a lot these days about “passion.” Everywhere we look, it seems like someone is telling us to “find our passion,” to “follow our passion,” to “live passionately.” In the abstract, it sounds like wonderful advice, but certainly there are not few among us who are thinking, “Where am I even supposed to look?” or even: “I don’t think I have a great passion!”

But what if it isn’t so hard! What if deep down we already know where to find it – because it’s a part of us?

What if there is a way to go about this that makes sense, one that you can do? Read the rest of this entry »

“I’m not worried about what I want; I just want to make sure that everyone else has what they want.”

It’s an unspoken chorus of women who have been raised to believe that being “selfless” is their greatest gift to the world.

Underneath it lurks a great fear.

“If I told people how I really feel or insisted on what I want, they might not like me!”

As women, many of us were taught that being valued by others means leaving ourselves behind. Read the rest of this entry »